Whoa! Full-time Job and Preschool!

For those not following along, my son is autistic. He just turned three on the 14th of this month and so could start preschool after his birthday. This last week was CRAZY. I couldn't have picked a more insane time to start my Mary Kay business, I tell ya.

So, let me start off by saying that I've been SUPER naughty. I've pretty much eaten whatever (but I TRY to keep it within reason) and haven't been good about tracking my food. That needs to STOP. Joshua's birthday was no exception. Veggies, hummus, pita bread wedges, and tzatziki along with loads of cookies instead of cake, were a recipe for overeating. Everything but the cookies were SO good for you, but hummus adds up quickly, and GAWD knows what the tzatziki adds up to be. Nevermind the 4 cookies I ate. Ridiculous.

So wipe that off the schedule and I received my Mary Kay business supplies, ie. the starter kit and my QuickBooks software and some basic filing supplies. Tack on the fact that 50 pounds gone means NOT A SINGLE THING FITS anymore. And, I mean, that's a good thing, right? But Mary Kay would like us to be feminine and wear skirts. I wore my ONLY pants suit to my first meeting and that's when I was told that that was okay, mostly, but skirts were preferred. In fact, I've found that many woman believe that as long as there's a skirt, they can be mostly casual. That's another story...

Anyway, I hit up thrift stores. I'm not ashamed to admit that beggars cannot be choosers. I have SO little cash, that I'm starting up Mary Kay. Hello?! Yeah, I don't have hundreds of bucks to spend on clothes that I HOPE TO GAWD don't fit me in 6 months. So, I hit up Value Village and Goodwill. Less than $90 later, I came home with 4-6 skirts, 3 suit jackets, 1 dress suit, and 2 pairs of really nice shoes. And, all of that is a write-off for my business. And you darn well better know I'm keepin' track. Thank you QuickBooks. OH, that reminds me. Hafta add the QuickBook expense to the Office Supplies Expense Account. Whoops.

So, once again, how about the weight?! I lost another pound. Maybe I'm selfish, but I SO wanna see that number get bigger. But, I don't really deserve it at all. I've been SO BAD. Why should I even have lost a pound?! I should be grateful (and I really kinda am), but I find myself getting all bent outta shape about the whole thing. I want more....Sheesh. I'm being such a baby, right? At least it's a loss.

Anyway, more preschool tomorrow morning where Joshua will spend at least 15 minutes with 3 different therapists and 30 minutes with a speech therapist and then the rest of what's left of two hours playing and having a good time. My day starts at 5:40 am tomorrow, so I'd better head off to bed. I feel a cold coming on and I know that means I'd BETTER get to BED NOW! Mom's can't be sick. We're too amazing to be sick.

Preschool, Mary Kay, and Other New Developments

Well, if I thought this last week was hectic, I had NO idea what I was going to be doing THIS week.

Last week, in addition to all of the many tasks I juggle and getting to the gym and making sure we have a meal plan in place, my son had his evaluation at our local school with the important departments at our school district. I hadn't heard anything as of the 4th of September and I'd expected to hear something from the district on the 2nd, so I emailed my contact. I immediately got a response back thanking me for emailing and asking me to meet for my son's evaluation TOMORROW (the 5th). I'm flexible. I have to be in order to ensure my autistic son gets the support he needs. At the drop of a hat, I have to be willing to stop whatever I'm doing and meet with staff anywhere at any time. But, more on that to come.

So, I attended his evaluation and they assessed him and took notes. I'd filled out the 40+ pages of my own evaluations so they could review it later. I filled out more while we were there with Joshua bouncing off the walls as a team of experts attempted him to jump through hoop after hoop.

At the end, they had all they could get and I'd be coming back in one week for the "report." Basically, they would sit down and discuss what their findings were and IF my son was eligible for special assistance and schooling through the school district.

Being a mother of an autistic child is challenging in general. My son is what the medical folks call "non-verbal." Mostly. He can't talk. Mostly. The "mostly" is what puts him into the "high-functioning" category on the spectrum. He's only, you know, a LITTLE autistic. Anyway, it's enough to make MY life essentially about my son. What is he doing? Where is he? What is he eating or not eating? What does he need?

I think I need to back up a bit. When my husband and I decided to have our first child, I was working a great job which I loved. He was making a decent wage as a truck driver. One month before I was due, my husband was laid off from his job. Actually, he was fired, without cause in order to keep a large customer happy. That much was proven true. While I was on maternity leave, I received a letter from the company I was working for letting me know that I didn't need to come back. They no longer had a place for me.

So, in two months, we went from having a comfortable living, safe and secure to having virtually NO security whatsoever. And now, we had a baby to deal with. And a mortgage.

Fast forward to today - my son is autistic, my husband is working again in the new economy meaning he works just as hard for less money. In order to survive, we've cut our budget to virtually nothing and refinanced in order to prevent foreclosure on our home. All this and I STILL NEED TO WORK. I just CAN'T.

The most flexible jobs are RETAIL jobs. What retailer is going to be okay with me saying, "Hey, I can only work two hours a day from 9 -11 am, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. MAYBE Saturday, but only Sunday afternoons. Oh, and if my son's teacher/babysitter/dad calls me, I will have to be free to go at any time. And, occasionally, I might have to go to appointments to meet with my son's special care team nevermind his dentist or pediatrician. So, when can I start?"

Not. Going. To. Happen. I can't think of a job in the WORLD okay with those restrictions. That leaves me starting my own business. I'm scared. In this economy, even the well managed businesses fail. So, what business is easy to start with relatively NO capital that doesn't require me to put in 14-18 hour or MORE days?! Avon. Pampered Chef. PartyLight. Mary Kay.

What is my passion? Cooking. Make-up/Skin Care. What do I have experience in and knowledge about? The latter. I've been doing my makeup since I was a dancer at 6 years old. I've been experimenting with makeup techniques practically my whole life. One of my favorite things to do is have an extremely LONG RELAXING facial system set up so I can pamper my friends. I love love love GIRL'S NIGHTS. It was just a no brainer that I should chose Avon or Mary Kay.

I've always thought Avon products were inferior to other products. I've always felt that they were fairly hit and miss on what was good and what was suitable for Walmart-level quality. And their stuff isn't as expensive. They sell it for less. AND, like you almost always DO - you get what you PAY for.

Anyway, this might not be the place to brag about Mary Kay and frankly, why should you believe me? I just started selling it as of LAST NIGHT. But, I will say, I've been using Dermalogica which is sold by professional aestheticians and I've switched to using Mary Kay. Mary Kay is less expensive AND SO SIMILAR that I hardly notice the swap. I'm thrilled to work for a company that can deliver that quality.

Okay, spiel over. So WHAT ABOUT THE WEIGHT?! Right?! What did I lose? A pound. Just a lonely pound. But, I'm one pound lighter than last week and that is a WIN! I'll take it over the previous week's ZERO loss, that's for sure!

In other news, I've had to stop using the patch. I ended up with very severe side-effects including sore/extremely tender breasts, chest heaviness, heart palpitations, nausea. It was BAD. So, I have an appointment on Friday to see about getting the pill, even though I really really wanted the patch to work out. :( Oh well. Hopefully, this will be the end of the insatiable need to feed. I've been SO hungry. I'll be glad to have that AND the HORRID acne I was developing gone. It was SO out of hand. Wish me luck.

And, on that note, good luck to you all. I wish you a light and healthy week. When you see me again, Joshua will have started school, I will have my MK starter kit and be on my way to making a few dollars, we will have had Josh's 3rd birthday bash, and hopefully I'll be on track to get a few moments of peace and quiet just to myself.

Blessings to everyone!
 

Drop the Fries and Other Self-Abusive Issues

Okay, so FOR-SHAME! I missed Wednesday. I didn't post anything new and I'm really sorry. My son had to go in for a sedated hearing test at our children's hospital. It was extremely stressful for me for lots of reasons. This was the first time Josh has ever been under anesthesia and I just could NOT handle them holding him down while he screamed to put in the IV. I left while Daddy stayed to help and watch. I only came in once he was sleeping. He passed his test, so his hearing is normal. This means we've ruled out hearing problems for his lack of speech and behavioral abnormalities. It's a step in the right direction, but it does bring us closer to autism as the most definite diagnosis. I keep hoping the doctor is wrong, but it's not looking good.

So, all that happened on Wednesday, so I TOTALLY spaced on my blog. Sorry again!

Good news though! I lost again this week. I'm down another 2-1/2 pounds putting me over the 45 pounds-lost mark. Yay! It's getting to be a little unreal now. 45 pounds is a lot of weight and it's hard to wrap my head around losing more than my son weighs. Feels great though.

I'm starting to see and really feel the differences in ways I've never anticipated. Sure, I feel better, stronger, less sore, less sick, less tired. You know that's coming; we've heard of those benefits over and over again. But I'm noticing the cool stuff. I'm noticing that I can cross my legs again (something that I lost the ability to do around size 22). I can tie my shoes without getting a cramp in my stomach from pushing so hard to fold in half. I can hold my ankle while I stretch my quads. That may not seem like much, but I had SO much fat on my thighs and my butt, that my leg wouldn't fold far enough so that I could reach my ankle. Sad, but true.
I'm also noticing kinda funny things. Like, I use less body wash, shaving lotion, and body butter. It takes less time to shave my legs, by seconds, but I notice. I can see the car's seat on either side of my body/legs. Before, I took up the ENTIRE thing. I eclipsed the passenger seat. Yeah. Eclipsed. My motherhood charm bracelet and my wedding ring are getting looser. There's SO much to notice after 45 pounds. Seriously.

Something that I'm also noticing is this nearly overwhelming urge to grab heavy people I see and shake them and say, "Oh my GOD! Come with me! We need to stop the madness! Get healthy with me!! DROP THE FRIES!" It's painful to see heavy people. I'm heavy, yes. I know. And I'm not planning on staying that way. But, when I see other heavy people, I wanna scream like I wish someone had screamed at me! I want to save them - take them aside and teach them to eat right and how to exercise - the way I wish someone had done for me. I want to hug them and say, we'll get to the bottom of this together. We're going to save your life! I wanna save them like I'm saving me.

That brings me to the final thing that really gripped me this week. I need to find counseling. And it's gotta be cheap. I can't afford, well, anything right now. If I don't deal with my past issues, they will just crop up and make me gain the weight again. See, I emotionally eat sometimes, but it's not like sadness or anger makes me eat. I eat because I'm scared. I'm scared of being pretty.

I was sexually abused by no less than five different men over the course of 21 years. First when I was very little by family. Then, just before I was a teen by a stranger. Again, when I was 13 by a neighbor. Once more at 15 by another family member (who served jail time for crimes he'd later commit), and finally as an adult (the worst abuse I'd experienced). I've been through hell. I've gained weight to the point that men are not attracted to me (that's my plan anyway). Subconsciously, I've piled on the pounds until men stopped cat-calling, asking me out, inquiring as to my status, etc. Every time I'm approached, I break out in a cold sweat and a panic attack ensues. And yet, there's a large part of me that wants to be pretty; wants to be attractive. Unfortunately, some men took that freedom from me. Now, I'm scared to be looked at and terrified of being approached. That fear is rising up as I'm losing weight and I'm afraid that I'll feel naked without my fat when I lose the weight for good. I need counseling to DEAL with that fear. That and a healthy dose of female self defense classes and some martial arts classes. (After about 75 lbs lost, I plan to enroll in defense classes.)

Okay, so that's been MY week. A lot to do. A lot to think about. And some weight lost for good! Have a good week everyone! Until next week, stay healthy!

Checking in.

Okay, random, but short post. I JUST got my laptop back today. It's fixed and I feel human again. I got very used to being able to multi-task before I lost the laptop. Having our only computer in a back room with an active (possibly autistic) toddler, and it means you use a computer ONLY when he's sleeping. And, then, you're trying to catch up on everything you've put off.

You should be able to have some more faithful Wednesday posts about my weight-loss now.

See you guys tomorrow! :)