My Birthday Gift - Get to Goal

This week, I celebrated my 32nd birthday. I still managed to lose just over a pound despite the food, the drink, and the lack of working out thanks to much celebration.

I also had a break from my son, some respite, thanks to my parents who watched him for almost 4 days. He had a blast going to two baseballs games (my parents hold season tickets) and playing with my parents several cats and three dogs. Mommy and Daddy got some fun in with a friend from out of town and actually got some serious plumbing done in our bathroom which we have gutted and are remodeling. Until it's finished, we have ZERO shower/bath. We have ONE toilet and ONE sink. Life kinda, well, stinks right now. I feel perpetually filthy.

So, I'm doing okay this week. Managed to lose some weight. I'm feeling a little sweet-tooth-ish. I'm having a hard time NOT grubbing on ice cream and cookies. Those things aren't even in my house and I'm having a hard time avoiding them. It's been tough, but I've handled it okay. 

It was TOM this week and so cramps and bloating was my birthday gift to myself this year. Oh, well. That's life, right? 

Anyway, next year, I think I'd like to give myself a better gift. I think next year, I'd like to reach my goal weight before my birthday. I don't think it's completely unreasonable. If I'd like to lose about 60 pounds, figuring about a pound and a half per week, that's 40 weeks. That puts me in July? I think... Anyway, it's still before my birthday by, like, a month or so. Like I said, I don't think it's totally unreasonable. It doesn't take plateaus into account, but it doesn't take the occasional two or two and a half pound loss weeks into account either. For now, that's my LONG RANGE target. I have a much closer goal to focus on right now.

My next goal is to get under 175 pounds. I haven't been 175 pounds in almost 10 years. Before that, I was that weight my junior year of high school. It's a mental weight loss hurtle I intend to get over.

Okay, so, I'm pooped guys. I'm going to run. See you all next week. Until then, stay healthy, eat right, and move your body!

Stuffing Face

Okay, so last week, I never posted. I'm REALLY sorry. I had a crazy week. I ate too much. I know I did. I kept snacking and I didn't track EVERYTHING I ate.

As a result, I dropped only .8 pounds. Less than 1 pound. But I'll take it because it's a loss, right? Sure, I'd liked to have had more, but I can't be ungrateful for the loss. After all, I know I didn't do that well.

This week isn't shaping up much better. This weekend is my birthday weekend and all this week has been a blur of family get togethers and the like. It doesn't help that I've been RAVENOUS this week. Again, I can't stop eating and exercise has been hard to fit in with all the family stuff and appointments. I'm feeling pretty gross this week and I expect a gain.

When I lost the .8 pounds, I finally went over the 50 pounds lost mark! Yay! I was really excited. I'll be shocked though, if I manage to keep it. I think I'll gain and then I'll just have to do better to get back to that "50 pounds lost " mark again.

I'm also feeling sick. I feel like I have a cold or something, which could just be my period coming. A lot of times, I end up getting stuffed up and feeling sick in my PMS week. I liken it to the symptoms pregnant women feel when they get pregnant. Their mucus production increases and they can feel like they have a cold. I think my body must do something similar. I have no idea. I'm SO not a doctor.

Anyway, so this is my PMS week. I'm in the hell that is before TOM shows up. And when TOM or Aunt Flo get here, I'll be very happy. I'm also looking forward to using the birth control patch. I've never used it before. I've always been on the pill, although I'm not on anything at the moment. I chose the patch because I just don't think I can remember to take my birth control pill every day at the same time. I can't even get here to blog once a week!! I end up forgetting that! I'll forget the pill.

Okay guys, it's 9 o'clock here. I'm pooped. I'm gonna wrap this up. Wish me luck this Sunday, but I'll accept whatever that scale says.

Losing TOO Fast?!

Happy Wednesday everyone! Well, this has been one crazy week. For starters, last Wednesday marked the first day we were going to have our friend from Canada come stay with us for about a week. Delayed for various reasons, he actually arrived two days late. Nevertheless, our routine was changed and this can mean serious trouble for diet and exercise. I've been on high-alert this week, for sure. I'm glad I'm in charge of the meal plans! :)

On Sunday, I weighed in at 189.6 pounds. That was a 2.8 pound drop from the previous week and it put me into the 180's and right out of the 190's! It's really something to celebrate, right? I was excited for sure.

NOT SO FAST! Almost three pounds a week is cause for concern! In order to lose weight safely, you should only lose 1-2 pounds a week. There are very good reasons for this, but I'm no expert. Instead of me telling you, I thought I'd post a video of an EXPERT telling you WHY you should lose slowly.

 

 I didn't post "Part 2" because it's only about 38 seconds long, has similar information that's covered in Part 1, and you can certainly find it yourself, if you're very curious.

I know losing weight slowly is important. Weight Watchers doesn't let you forget it, either. This week, when I lost 2.8 pounds and made my second high-loss week in a row, a warning popped up saying I was losing at an unhealthy rate. Sometimes though, I think my body just decides to drop weight. I cannot predict sometimes, what it is going to do. 

I didn't eat very little or exercise very much this last week. I ate far more than my daily Weight Watchers points every day. Some weeks, I lose very little. I've had plenty of 1/2 pound or less lost weeks. I think it evens out; at least I hope so.

On the Weight Watchers website, I see many people losing 3-5 pounds EVERY week. I'm sure they're excited about dropping the weight fast and not ever dipping into their Weekly Points. I'm certain they are ignoring the warnings thinking that saying they're losing too fast is CRAZY. However, losing this fast is setting them up for failure. It can potentially (and most likely) mean they will gain the weight back and possibly be one of the many Weight Watchers repeat customers.

I don't want to be a repeat customer. I want to get to my goal and STAY there. Who DOESN'T want that for themselves?! I refuse to yo-yo diet EVER AGAIN!

If this Sunday, I get on that scale and see another large number, I will adjust what I'm eating to slow my loss. I seriously doubt I will see another big number, however. I typically do NOT sustain the large loss weeks and, like the contestants on The Biggest Loser, which I'm currently only on Season 5, I have a "not so good week" after a "great week." So, I am anticipating a small loss as my body hangs onto the weight. We'll see. 

If I have a low number, I won't change a thing until I have a streak of low numbers. If I change my tactics every time I have high numbers or low numbers, I'll never do the same thing one week to another. Unless my body PROVES to me that something is NOT working, I won't change it. I like to cut my body some slack to adjust itself to the drastic changes I'm forcing it through.

Well, everyone, I've done fairly well with the rest of the time we had guests. Now, our house is back to normal and we can re-focus a bit. We'll have to wait and see how my body reacts this Sunday! I'll update you next Wednesday! Until then, stay stress free, get moving, and eat well!

 

 

Drop the Fries and Other Self-Abusive Issues

Okay, so FOR-SHAME! I missed Wednesday. I didn't post anything new and I'm really sorry. My son had to go in for a sedated hearing test at our children's hospital. It was extremely stressful for me for lots of reasons. This was the first time Josh has ever been under anesthesia and I just could NOT handle them holding him down while he screamed to put in the IV. I left while Daddy stayed to help and watch. I only came in once he was sleeping. He passed his test, so his hearing is normal. This means we've ruled out hearing problems for his lack of speech and behavioral abnormalities. It's a step in the right direction, but it does bring us closer to autism as the most definite diagnosis. I keep hoping the doctor is wrong, but it's not looking good.

So, all that happened on Wednesday, so I TOTALLY spaced on my blog. Sorry again!

Good news though! I lost again this week. I'm down another 2-1/2 pounds putting me over the 45 pounds-lost mark. Yay! It's getting to be a little unreal now. 45 pounds is a lot of weight and it's hard to wrap my head around losing more than my son weighs. Feels great though.

I'm starting to see and really feel the differences in ways I've never anticipated. Sure, I feel better, stronger, less sore, less sick, less tired. You know that's coming; we've heard of those benefits over and over again. But I'm noticing the cool stuff. I'm noticing that I can cross my legs again (something that I lost the ability to do around size 22). I can tie my shoes without getting a cramp in my stomach from pushing so hard to fold in half. I can hold my ankle while I stretch my quads. That may not seem like much, but I had SO much fat on my thighs and my butt, that my leg wouldn't fold far enough so that I could reach my ankle. Sad, but true.
I'm also noticing kinda funny things. Like, I use less body wash, shaving lotion, and body butter. It takes less time to shave my legs, by seconds, but I notice. I can see the car's seat on either side of my body/legs. Before, I took up the ENTIRE thing. I eclipsed the passenger seat. Yeah. Eclipsed. My motherhood charm bracelet and my wedding ring are getting looser. There's SO much to notice after 45 pounds. Seriously.

Something that I'm also noticing is this nearly overwhelming urge to grab heavy people I see and shake them and say, "Oh my GOD! Come with me! We need to stop the madness! Get healthy with me!! DROP THE FRIES!" It's painful to see heavy people. I'm heavy, yes. I know. And I'm not planning on staying that way. But, when I see other heavy people, I wanna scream like I wish someone had screamed at me! I want to save them - take them aside and teach them to eat right and how to exercise - the way I wish someone had done for me. I want to hug them and say, we'll get to the bottom of this together. We're going to save your life! I wanna save them like I'm saving me.

That brings me to the final thing that really gripped me this week. I need to find counseling. And it's gotta be cheap. I can't afford, well, anything right now. If I don't deal with my past issues, they will just crop up and make me gain the weight again. See, I emotionally eat sometimes, but it's not like sadness or anger makes me eat. I eat because I'm scared. I'm scared of being pretty.

I was sexually abused by no less than five different men over the course of 21 years. First when I was very little by family. Then, just before I was a teen by a stranger. Again, when I was 13 by a neighbor. Once more at 15 by another family member (who served jail time for crimes he'd later commit), and finally as an adult (the worst abuse I'd experienced). I've been through hell. I've gained weight to the point that men are not attracted to me (that's my plan anyway). Subconsciously, I've piled on the pounds until men stopped cat-calling, asking me out, inquiring as to my status, etc. Every time I'm approached, I break out in a cold sweat and a panic attack ensues. And yet, there's a large part of me that wants to be pretty; wants to be attractive. Unfortunately, some men took that freedom from me. Now, I'm scared to be looked at and terrified of being approached. That fear is rising up as I'm losing weight and I'm afraid that I'll feel naked without my fat when I lose the weight for good. I need counseling to DEAL with that fear. That and a healthy dose of female self defense classes and some martial arts classes. (After about 75 lbs lost, I plan to enroll in defense classes.)

Okay, so that's been MY week. A lot to do. A lot to think about. And some weight lost for good! Have a good week everyone! Until next week, stay healthy!